+Warning: This blog post is going to be whiny and pathetic. I apologize in advance.+
So this new job, I shouldn’t even call it new. I’ve been here for almost two months and I don’t know whether to cry all the time or quit. You’d think that I’d be a good fit for it, but I honestly don’t think I am. I suck at it, but I don’t know if I want to quit or not. I feel like my manager doesn’t like me. Actually, I feel like most of my co-workers don’t like me. That’s probably the suckiest part, because I’m kind of an okay person. And there’s the fact of everything is kind of helter skelter around here. One thing is said, but another thing gets done. The system is kind of whack. I need straight forward. I’ve learned that. With Walmart, I could bs almost everything and I did. Customers loved me and I really didn’t give a rats tushie, just because it was such a huge company. A couple dollars everyday won’t hurt them. But here, it’s like money, money, money. It has to look like we’re booked. I have to call 3rd party booking sights, just to get guests refunds. I don’t like this at all.
With that said, I’m going to take a long nap when I get off of work at 7am. If I still feel like getting a new job, I’ll haul out this trusty laptop and start searching. Maybe I’ll give myself a couple of weeks here, just to see if it, or I, get better. It’s just too stressful of a job for me right now.
I do make some pretty kickbutt coffee, though. So, that might be a tiny plus.
Howdy! I’m just writing because I feel like doing something and maybe, possibly getting something off my chest/sore shoulders. Here goes nothing!
I’ve been working at my job for a little less than three weeks and already have gotten a good review by a guest! I worked yesterday and never really looked at the door, until a piece of paper caught my eye. I cannot tell you how wonderful that made me feel! I should’ve already known it was bound to happen sooner or later, just because I always had customers brag about me and tell my CSMs how great and friendly I was. Honestly, it just made me feel really good for a couple hours and every time I think about it, I smile a bit. Things are going really great right now. Only thing that would make it better would be a phone call from Alaska!
And……..getting to that subject! Oh goodness, how do I even jump in and explain all this stuff, without sounding like a lunatic? I swear I am sane! So on Father’s day, I went to the gym (surprise, surprise) and flipped on a TV. I don’t know how, but it was already set on the Discovery Channel. Specials were running all day, so I didn’t think much about it. All of the sudden, I find myself pulled into this one particular show. The Alaskan Bush People. I loved it immediately and then I saw one of the sons. Hello there, handsome. Anyways, the show finished and I finished my workout. All was well in the world, or so I thought. I rushed home and immediately researched the show, found that there were two seasons and went crazy. I watched them all in a day. I was falling in love with this family, this lifestyle, and that one particular son. Now, here’s the crazy part. In one of the episodes, the mother wrote to a match maker to find her five boys some ladies! She really, really, really wants some grandbabies running around on the homestead. A couple days later, I find the match makers facebook page and she is accepting emails from ladies who are interested in the boys. Well, guess what I did. Yupp, I freaking wrote her an email, included some photos of my face, and hit send. Let me tell you, I was freaking out. Why am I doing this!? One reason: Gabe. The son that I have seem to fall for. Crazy? Yes. Stupid? Yes. But, hey, if it doesn’t work out…free trip to Alaska? Who knows, maybe I’ll get to play with some moose.
I need to go to the gym. There’s a marathon of ABP on all day today. I’m only feeding my addiction.
It’s my third night in my new house in De Pere. I’ve gone to the gym twice, Walmart 3+ times, and have a job interview tomorrow! Hopefully, I’ll be getting out of the retail biz and into the motel/hotel gigs. I plan to work 3rd shift at the motel and maybe get a small daytime job. One thing for sure, is that I won’t be working for or at Walmart! Booyah! There are so many places hiring here, so I won’t need to relive my nightmares.
I’ve also spoken to a recruiter! I’m not signed up yet, but I know what I have to do to get to my goal. And yes, if you’ve met me, you probably know why I couldn’t sign up right away. My chubs. It’s a struggle, but I can’t loose it all in one day, unfortunately.
Anyways, it’s great up here so far. It’s no Menomonie and I really do miss my friends, but it’s always great to start something new. I have a permanent cuddle/lazy day buddy. Living that dream.
Everyone has heard of the movie American Sniper. People have spoken out against it and people have spoken adamantly for it. For me, personally, I think it accurately portrays the lives of military personnel, both at home and away. I enjoyed Chris Kyles’ book, because he wrote in such an easy, laid back way, yet, it wasn’t a fast read. It could’ve just been me, but I wanted to soak up his entire life. He was, and is, an amazing individual. The word Hero doesn’t even begin to describe him and his character. I wish more people were like him, in both mind and soul. God, Country, Family. Right in that order. As I sat there in the movie theatre, the first time I watched it, I wondered how I could impact and help people if I were in the military.
So that’s when I decided that I would join up. That’s why you all read so much about the Marines in my blogs. I went home and I researched which branch I would potentially like to be in. I chose the Marines, because if I’m going to do something, I’m going to go big and not go home. That’s why I’ve been kicking my booty at the gym almost every night. I want to walk in the recruiters office and not be laughed out, even if they did laugh I wouldn’t leave. I work for what I want.
I’m at a point in my life where I’m sick of wondering what my next step is going to be. It gets tiring wondering if I’m going to get a job I really want, even though I’ve called so many times. All I want to do it get my butt kicked in boot camp and kick some butt overseas. Simple as that.
Today was like any other day. I worked, I ate, I worked out, I watched Netflix. My typical day, but on my drive home from the gym, something was off. I didn’t feel right in my heart.
Some of you may know that my dad passed away May 8, 2013, which is a little over two years ago. It’s hard for my to type this because I hate showing people how I actually feel. I hate that I always feel like a burden and a crybaby. And let me tell you, when I want to cry, I will cry.
I’m just feeling really empty. I miss him a lot. My dad was, and is, my best friend. The one person I could tell things too and he would just listen. Now I do have friends just like that (I’m looking at you, Pauli), but it’s not the same. Don’t get me wrong, I tell my mom a lot of stuff, too, but, again, not the same. I just want to tell my dad how much I miss him and how much I hate myself for not telling him I loved him enough. But I know that he knows all this stuff. I know he’s there, watching and guiding me, but it’s just not the same. Nothing is. I just want my dad to tell me how proud he is of my decision to enlist in the military and eventually go to school to be a firefighter. Again, I know he’s probably super proud of me up in Heaven. Like I said, it’s just not the same. I love you, daddy.
Now, to whomever is reading this. Please, make sure to tell your family that you love them. You never know what’s going to happen. You’re last conversation could be a fight, but please end it with I love you. Let the people in your life know you care about them. I’m sure a simple smile will do most days. But, please, a thousand times please, let them know you care. And if you know of someone having a tough time, reach out to them. Don’t let them be alone.
Here I am, sitting in my darkened room, watching one of my all time favorite movies, Singing in the Rain. It’s been raining, along with thunder and lightning, the complete package. I have my favorite sweet tea in my brand new Captain America mug. I can hear the rain on the road as car tires whiz past. What a lovely and relaxing night.
The real reason I’m writing tonight is to just say hello and maybe a few goodbyes. I’m leaving my house, my job, my new friends, and Menomonie at the end of this month. So I guess I get to say hello to my old friends back home and maybe even in a whole new place for the summer. I’m going to miss being up here and living on my own (well, with roommates). I’m going to miss hanging out with my friends and spending tons of time on Netflix (which probably won’t change). I’m going to miss my little room that I have made my own, mess and all. I’m definitely going to miss having Cherry Berry less than ten minutes away from me. But, I am excited to possibly work in the Dells and continue to work on my goal of becoming a Marine. I’m excited to have the opportunities to see my sister graduate from college this Saturday. I’m excited to see two of my best friends graduate from high school. I can’t wait to see what everyone does with their educations, former and future. I’m excited to move back home in a couple weeks. I guess I’m more excited than anything.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that life has plenty of opportunities to be wonderful. No matter how bad things get, the sun still shines (even when it’s raining, it’s shining somewhere) and that smile needs to get on your face. I don’t care if it’s forced, it’s still there.
Tonight is going to be a bit of a rambler. I want to write, but nothing too exciting has really happened. It’s just been life as usual. Work, sleep, netflix, and more work. Hold up, add working out like a nutcase to that list. I’m noticing more differences every day. Legs are getting more defined, not as out of breath, and just overall more energetic. Although, that energy is spent on the couch, watching, you guessed it, netflix. What is it with my fascination with food shows! I can’t eat that food! Why do I watch it!? I guess living vicariously through cupcake contestants and burgers just lets me continue to be healthy. I actually ate a full apple without cutting it up today. Winning! I always have to cut them up. What is wrong with me?! Haha.
PS: Red Delicious apples and peanut butter= best midnight snack ever. I love that it’s protein and fruit. Just so wonderful!
Back to real life for a bit. I’m moving out of Menomonie next month and back to home. Just a little conflicted about this, because the closest gym to my house is about 45 minutes away. I’m still waiting to hear back from a job in the Dells, that way I can be close to one. Fingers crossed, but I’m not losing sleep over it. I’m going to miss my work friends that I have made here. They’ve made me feel welcome in a new place, but it’s not that hard for me to meld in anywhere. I’m going to miss 2 am Dennys runs and bowling for 8-9 games straight in the middle of the night. Just another chapter in my life book, I guess.
Okay, so as I said, a bit of a rambling one tonight. I have no idea what I actually wanted to write about. I just felt like I needed to. Back to netflix and Ciao!